TALK ABOUT YOUR LACK OF MENS REA Well, I learned a valuable lesson tonight. If you go to the grad student bar, and it's karaoke night, make damn sure before you sit on anything that it can support your weight. Specifically: the backs of futons may not be strong enough. It does not matter how many futons you've sat upon in how many unorthodox ways; if you sit on the back of one futon in the middle of a heart-felt rendition of "You Shook Me All Night Long" and it, say, collapses under your prodigious girth, you're toast. The people at GPSCY may be nice and say they won't make you pay for it; you may try to claim "It wasn't Angus Dwyer: it was Angus Young, dammit!"; but at the end of the day you're the fat-ass that took the grad-students' pub down from three futons to two, and you're the one that collapsed on the floor in a humiliating sea of cheap wood planks and threadbare mattresses. And no amount of self-deprecating humor can erase that.