DAMN YOU, DAVID SCHOENFIELD! This article from Page2 has me salivating at my vertical workstation. I feel like Homer Simpson examining a beer-flavored donut. My favorite part was this trade, which seems almost plausible:

"Nick Johnson and Arizona's Danny Bautista go to St. Louis, Edmonds and Schilling go to New York and Alfonso Soriano and Jeff Weaver go to Arizona."

If you'll excuse me, I have to go change pants.